Help Wanted

I need a prayer partner. I am not looking for a spiritual director. I may need a spiritual director, but the thought of being in any sort of hierarchical relationship, even one so benign as spiritual direction, leaves me cold. I do not want to sit at the feet of a mentor. I do not want to feel obligated to report back or turn in “homework” assignments. I don’t want to talk about spirituality—I do, really, but in another context—I want to do spirituality. I simply want a relationship with a person with whom I can meet—every week or more often if it should develop that way—as an equal partner and, keeping chit chat to a minimum, hold hands and just pray. I don’t want to be a student; I do not want to be a teacher; I just want to pray with another pilgrim. Aloud. Back and forth as moved by the Holy Spirit. I want a friend with whom I can experience God in a way that I never can alone.

Praying together, however, is such an intimate thing. It takes trust, and I don’t know of anyone who would trust me enough to share the experience of God. I have known a few such people—Shelley Wagener, my old pastor, and Amy Adams, my old friend, for example—but now, I just don’t know. I have a friend out in Texas with whom I would like to pray, but I don’t bring it up because I know that she is intensely private about her spirituality.

So I wander, breathlessly, experiencing God as I can, always trying to live in a state of grace. It is so hard.